It's been 5 months or so... I'm still here in sg, yes indeed! I am still here. Despite of what happened --- na maraming marami, andito pa ako. Test of times in terms of career, Antasis is tough but I am enjoying the learning curve. I'm not interested in learning Telco lines, I turned my back on anything concerning Telco's..hahaha :-) but it seems I have to deal with it. In every project that I have now, the most important thing is the LINE. O diba...VOIP lines, CTI, ITFS, UIFN, traffic charges. And 3 weeks ago I almost gave up because of the line -- SINGTEL line, anu ba ito! In relation to this, I did gave up some "thing" due to Singtel but Starhub told me not to give up, and here I am still trying to focus on the "essential". Wag daw problemahin ang nde naman problema...effective nga naman. However, things aren't that well in the office. Sabi nga ni Eugene..."what the hell is your problem?, how can We help you?, you have to focus coz you can't afford to have anymore mistake. It's costly"..Eto pa punchline, "Here in Singapore, you can only have to problems, money and relationship! I doubt if you have any problems in money -- so your problem is relationship"..."it's hard to find a good man, but choose someone who will be good to you"..O diba?! my boss is making a lot of sense. Eto na siguro ang pinaka komplikadong nangyari sa buhay ko...dapat tama na! but life here is different, mahirap mag-isa..oo, mahirap mag-isa. I am trying to break the habbit of getting used having him around. Pero paano??? hayyy, pano nga ba? I miss home..miss ko na nanay ko, si ginnie at tatay ko! kaya uuwi ako, sana september 18 na, even for 5 days I need to rest. I/m still in this realtionship but my heart is not into it anymore, what to do?! I know it matters to you --- :-) it's been a year, september na naman, I saw you september of last year, it's been a year. Let's not push it, when the time is right, we will see each other I know :-)

I have 4 more days to go and I will be back in Singapore..a part of me is excited, I'll be back in my own life there where I call every shots in this so called life. Maybe I have "recharged" in a way. I don't worry that much anymore unlike when I was about to go home. Tried and tested that at the end of the day, you;ll go back to your family and again they will give you the determination to stand up again. During this 1 month of stay, I just went out a couple of times. I spent the day around the house. Going to the mall with my ever supportive parents..hehehe we even had a family thing when Dad suddenly decided to go to Baguio. Ginnie enjoyed it since it's her first time to really go out of time. And mostly, I spent time with goofing around with Ginnie, fecthing her to school and meeting her friends. Masaya...at alam ko maho homesick ako..hay!

During this one month, I've been having ups and downs with Sherwin. Maybe because we so used in being together kaya nahihirapan kame mag adjust but we manage to get through those times. We are silently fighthing today..the only I didn't answer his messages, I just wanted to clear my mind. I should focus on my priorities.

And after almost 5 months, I was able to see Duckie. Ay naku, ang tagal na. at ang taba nya, I was surprised when I saw him. Nakakatawa lang coz our conversation so nakakatawa and light compared before. Time heals though there may be bitterness, it will not be helpful during these tough times. He doesn't look happy. I don't know...He calls the shots too. But I know that I could depend on him, and tis the only time I have finally found my space in his so called life. Pare, it started from this word, and it will always be..

Sana maayos na lahat..at sana matupad ang aking iniisip gawin sa mga panahong ito...the magic word is "pmp"..Ayiooooo!  

 

I'll be off tomorrow...it's my first time to take a morning flight. it's 10:30, need to get up ealy and I still have some packings to do. sabi nga nila, be careful of what you wish for...and now here it is. This was suppose to be a three weeks vacation..I went through one of the hardest 3 weeks..ang daming excess baggage sa buhay ko. Have I really moved on? eto ba talaga gusto ko?! eh bakit andito ako sa veranda, with some ear plugs on and listening to: "it matters to me"....nag break down na ako early this morning, haven't slept for almost 3 nights now. Restless talaga ako...

anf the hard truth, yes! it still matters to me. That's all there is to it...I love him in a special way, I know he does too. okay na ako dun, I just hope the next time we talk, I've finally picked up the pieces. I have always been proud, but he'sthe person that I turn to whenever things are falling into pieces. I'm contented to know that my family is there, and despite of the escapades....I know that he'll just be around. Thank you and I love you.

Miss na kita...

Bahala na Bukas....

Pagod na ako....

Mommy! anu na gagawin ko?!...

Baby hug mo si Mama... :-(

BAKIT?!...

 

Subconjunctival Hemmorage - is a bleeding underneath the conjunctiva. The conjunctiva has many small blood vessels that are easily raptured or broken. When this happens, blood leaks into the conjunctiva and sclera of the eyes.This may be associated with high blood pressure , or trauma to the eyes.

Bingo! I am suffering from this subconjunctival hemmorage since yesterday. In this critical period of my life, an eye trauma comes in..what the... they say that a tensed mind could produced trauma. Interesting isn't it?! Just have to wait and see after 3 and see if there will be any difference, if not...kelangan ko na talaga pumunta sa hospital to have my eyes checked. Bakit ngayon pa? hay!

Time is running out on me...something good should happen before the 28th, if it is God's will, then be it, if not then accept it. Maybe I have already gone through so many things here. Basically, ACCEPTANCE is the word for everything. Hmm...may naiisip ako, wala lang to ha: I just wanna ask it out loud, who would you choose - a) a person who is physically present to love you, who gives his every bit of time for you, who is currently sacrificing a lot just to stay with you BUT deep inside you can't hold on forever. OR b) a person that you have been with, who has hurt you for several times and didn't do anything about it But you can depend on him in times of trouble because you know that he could understand you and brings out the best and beast in you, this person motivates me a lot!..hahaha :-)

Hope things will go well on Friday! :-)

Slept at 2am last night, had a good chat with Daddy. Might have this interview with Halliburton this week. I think he finally decided that we should stay in one place together..atleast before he retires that's why he wants me to be at Halliburton. But where..In Oman? or China? or Singapore...Definitely not in Oman, Please! this is just a wishful thinking because wherever it might be, It's work....and it's the essence of adulthood and synonymously for the word..responsibility..hay, I don't know what will happen, and I'm getting depressed again.

Had a dialogue with him early this morning. a mere joke turned out to be a heated discussion...after putting down the phone, umiyak ako! yep, you heard me right..umiyak ako. I feel that I'm getting sensitive nowadays, I absolutely know what's wrong: it's because of Work! but it isn't everything, the bad thing is that I've focused everything on it..everything and now here I am struggling with my shopping sickness! being depressed and all and "pinag ti tripan" daw sya, that's what he said. What am I to do?..

ended up cooking....Pininyahang Manok, got the recipe from him. hehehe :-) he's checking what happened to my cooking, I bet he is. I'm sure he just wanted to check if I'm still sane here at home. hay...might do some ironing later, and after, I'm thinking of going to Jurong point, I've only been there once and I might as well check it out.

 

one of the toughest times...I just hope and pray that everything will work out fine. Again during these times, you'll see who are the people who'll stick with you, ang not leave you in dead air. Before it was different, I am at home with my Mom who's always been supportive, Dad who's extra supportive.. and Ginnie who makes me smile. Now it's different...I'm far away from them...and I'm not a hypocrite to deny that I am worried...

Just got a call from from sherwin and I am just thankful that he's is here, always checking on me comforting me once in a while...he's one person that I could  hold onto, we are together in praying that things will work out just fine :-)

thank you...